The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
