help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
