it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
