Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
