we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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