For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
