I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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