If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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