She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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