I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize