Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
birth control should be required to get into college
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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