i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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