operation harelip BJ is a go
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize