I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
last night I used snow as a chaser
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