if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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