I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
