Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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