It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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