Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
