I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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