not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
