so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
