I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
