dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
tell me about the eggs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
