His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize