i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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