i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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