ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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