duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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