so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
