I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
