hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
