Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
