oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
