"it" just moved
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
