the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
