We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
