Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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