thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
