So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize