I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
