like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
