Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
