I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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