Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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