I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
