I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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