Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
