I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
