Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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