You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
