didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
