i don't like sucking hair
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
