Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
