omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
