My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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