I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
