if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
