Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
