awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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