My nipple is on Facebook.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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