I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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