My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
