I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
