I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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