Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
